Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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