That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
