it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
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