at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
