i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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