can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
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Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
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You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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