awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
