Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
