Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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