i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I'm bleeding and have questions
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