I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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