yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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