What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
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Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
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You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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