if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
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