I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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