shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Of course I have a pirate flag
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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