I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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