i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.