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• (281): View more from Texas

  I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him

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• (561): View more from Florida

  george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.

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• (214): View more from Texas

  It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.

  Fav 36 1686 6450

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• (619): View more from California

  If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho

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  19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.

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• (760): View more from California

  She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.

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• (614): View more from Ohio

  Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.

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  25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out

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• (704): View more from North Carolina

  I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners

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• (949): View more from California

  I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball

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• (517): View more from Michigan

  You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  I will find, mount, and marry that person.

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