She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.