worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
