So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
