So drunk its hurt
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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