fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
