Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
