I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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