I have demons in me.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
