i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
