I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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