if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
