How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
