We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize
