The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
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