i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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