Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
