Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
