don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
