I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
