His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
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Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
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He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
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