Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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