If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
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