you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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