I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
