He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
