someone get that fucking seahorse.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
