I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
