whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I cannot find my penis.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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