do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My first STD was from a foam party
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize