3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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