She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
