Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
