i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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