I can't breathe out the right side of my face
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
