life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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