I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
