Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
