she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
