I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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