dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
