It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
