Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
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i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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