Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
