Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
