so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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