Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
