Jerry, you need to find god
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
My cat gives me a boner
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize