id be glad to
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
