i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize